As I was scrolling through Facebook this morning, I came across an article called, "20 Struggles You Go Through When You Date Someone With Anxiety". Being someone who struggles with anxiety everyday, I do a lot of research on the topic. This article had a lot of very interesting points that really hit home.
Johnathan has had to learn to deal with my anxiety since we first started dating. When we got engaged I became more worried about how this part of me was going to affect him. There is a lot I am still learning about my anxiety and how I can manage it. So I am 100% sure that he is still learning as well.
Here is the article for you to read if you would like to link back for the original thoughts. I am going to go through some of the points that really stood out and explain how they relate to me. (It's a pretty long post. If you stick around I know you love me.)
1. "A To-Do list is never optional."
Johnathan definitely knows this to be true. My to-do list helps me to take some of the chaos out of my head. If there is something that I need to remember to do, it will drive me crazy until I write it down. It is a very good way for me to manage my stress. Forgetting anything is not an option.
2. "You need to learn to read a room like a pro."
This topic is talking about knowing when I need to be left alone and when I need to be comforted. This is one of the aspects of my anxiety that both Johnathan and I are still trying to figure out. I don't like how the article puts all the pressure on him to figure out what I need. But it is very right that at any given moment that need is going to be different. I need to figure out a way to communicate which one I need without totally freaking out on him. (Again, still learning...)
3. "You never judge when it comes to self-medication."
With this topic, I know that Johnathan's job is to encourage me to "medicate" myself in the right and healthy way. But being told what to do is just going to make it worse. Having anxiety and having to be on medication makes me feel like something is wrong with me, so criticizing how I manage it isn't going to go over well. Help me stay organized, help me exercise on a regular basis and let me eat ten pounds of chocolate every once in a while.
4. "Everything is the end of the world."
Every change, every unexpected turn of events, every extra little task is going to throw my whole day off. When something doesn't go as planned many people can see it for what it is, I can't see straight at all. Just the other day, I left a paper at home that I needed for class. My chest got tight, my head started to pound, my thoughts were racing and I was on the verge of crying hysterically. Seriously?
5. "This person can be really manic and overwhelming."
I think these times are the scariest for Johnathan. But they are the times I am most thankful for him. I'm talking a mile a minute, nothing I'm saying makes any sense and then randomly I forget what I'm saying in the middle of a sentence. John stays calm and tries his best to listen to everything I say. Usually it's so jumbled he can only understand a sentence or two.
6. "There's no talking this person out of a freak-out."
He's tried. Many people have tried. But I get to a point where I can't come back down. I just have to freak out and get through that before I can be rational again. Maybe he should invest in a straitjacket.
7. "You have to be available 24/7."
This is killer for us. When I'm losing it I have to talk to him immediately. This is not exactly possible all the time. The reality of that scares me a lot.
8. "You want to give advice, but you have to just listen."
I feel like this is any guy-girl relationship. But it's definitely true!
9. "Doing the smallest things will always be appreciated."
This is very true. I love Johnathan so much because he is going to take care of me no matter what. He is so good for me.
And last but not least...
10. "You know to steer clear of weed and cocaine."
HAHAHA! I had to add this one. It's just too good. Johnathan, would you be forced to arrest me?
My anxiety is something that I generally want to hide from people. But I realize that maybe talking about it can help both me and others. I've also found that anxiety is hard to describe and everyone suffers from it differently. The worst thing anyone can do is tell someone with anxiety that they don't have it that bad. Everyone has to live their life in a way that's best for them and it doesn't matter if that way is different than yours.
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